JPG Magazine: Stories: Photo Essay: My secret.

My secret.

By Spectre Photo

7 October 2008

I began dancing at a very late age. In fact, I was eighteen years old when I took my first ballet lesson. Nineteen when I first slid my foot into a pointe shoe.

It was something I always wanted to do all of my life but growing up as a child it just was not an option for me. Money was tight, and Mom and Dad were in school and working full time.

After high school, I planned to go to college to become a nurse. I decided I would take a ballet class while I was there..why not, I remember thinking.

After the first class something in me took over. I felt "home"

I signed up for more classes. I went up a couple levels in two months. I moved closer to my Aunt, who herself is a ballroom dancer..so we could take classes together. I was a fish swimming in water.

The following year went very quickly, and I found myself auditioning for the Joffrey Ballet School in NYC. I was auditioning with girls half my age. I got in.

I studied there for 4 years. It was the most incredible time of my life.

I danced for quite a few small ballet companies..I auditioned a lot..and that meant I got cut a lot..but it was ok.

My absolute best dance job I landed was to dance in the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympic Games at Nagano. It was dream job. Ha, I had all these ratty old tights with holes in them and I'm going to dance for the Emperor of Japan in weeks!

It was to be one of my very last dance jobs.

I sustained a very bad injury that ended my dance career.

I was so crushed by it. My friends were great though, they offered me some teaching jobs, telling me to get out there, stick with it..

I just decided to just leave it all behind and close up shop. It was too painful for me.

A few years later, a friend called up and said she needed a favor. Needed pictures of her students for a "project".

I showed up a little annoyed. I didn't want to photograph kids doing what I could have been doing all this time. (sounds bitchy but it's true)

So I did it. I started to shoot...

and yes, once I started I could not stop. When I did stop, I cried. I loved it so much. I vowed to myself that day that I would return, on a regular basis, to shoot all these dancers I have could access to, any time. I took these pictures years ago. I hate to admit that I haven't been back yet.

That is my secret.

Pause

They Hurt.

Maestro

Fourteen in First

They have to be comfy.

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20 Responses

On 7 October 2008 Victor Ursabia said:
BEAUTIFUL!!!
On 7 October 2008 D Tufte said:
Amazing story. From heartbreak to heartful. Well done!!
On 8 October 2008 m-marcella gave props:
this was wonderful....thank you for sharing your secret.
On 8 October 2008 Tim Stackhouse said:
This is beautiful. Wonderful photos and a great story. I discovered ballet in college too (although I lack the talent to do what you did), it is a beautiful, wonderful art.
On 8 October 2008 Deborah Downes gave props:
Such a well written and moving story. Thanks so much for sharing it.
On 8 October 2008 Molly Wagner said:
I loved it. I spent my life in a dance studio, but since I got to school, I had to give it up. This story gave me chills; it was beautiful.
On 8 October 2008 Catherine Kurvink gave props:
Such a poignant story! And the photos are great in b&w. Bravo!
On 14 October 2008 Dee Brown gave props:
The extreme heartfelt story. Pictures are very interesting.
On 14 October 2008 Eva Wood gave props:
Beautiful story and photos.
On 16 October 2008 Spectre Photo said:
Thank you very much for all your comments! :)
On 17 October 2008 Kaisla gave props:
such a lovely story and cool shots.
On 21 October 2008 dominic serrao gave props:
wonderful essay...got my vote!!
On 26 October 2008 sasha ormond said:
i was also a dancer for many years (13) and on my way to going pro. i got sick and had to quit. my health has yet to allow a return. that was 9 years ago. this story touched me in ways that only you would understand. the photos are beautiful and so evocative. they bring me right back. kudos on a fantastic story, and such honesty! my vote for sure!
On 26 October 2008 Spectre Photo said:
thank you sasha. :)
On 27 October 2008 Joven DelaCruz said:
lovely story. it's not a secret anymore. got my vote.
On 4 November 2008 Cristina Pascu gave props:
I think it should be published. It left me speechless, I feel guilty because I know whatever I'd say it couldn't take away the things you've been through...
On 7 November 2008 John Linton gave props:
Oh yeah! Your essay rocks!
On 17 November 2008 Jason Platt gave props:
photos and story both wonderful...easy vote from me....
On 17 November 2008 Spectre Photo said:
thank you..flowers to all..
On 18 November 2008 Jean-jacques Barbet added a link:
I am no dancer... but you got my vote! ;)) (www.jpgmag.com)