On self and control
By Natalia Pokrovskaya
22 July 2008
I take a lot of self-portraits. I even manage to get my camera with me into a solarium to take an arm-s length picture in blue light.
First, it was a girl's trivial show off mixed with exploration of various photo techniques. But lately I have discovered a rather much bigger benefit of self-portraits. Self-portraiture can also be a way of constructing role models for myself. This is how it works: I capture a certain state of my personality - either as is, or decorated with some mood I'd like to follow. This is a very convenient way to communicate one's identity to others and make note to yourself: this is me how I am or how I want to be. It's like a glossy-magazine-standard custom-made for yourself. Keeps you fit.
There is just one problem. Self-portrait is a form of photography where looking for an easy way turns out to be a twisted road of ambiguity. Try it yourself at home: make a set-up, stand in front of the camera, half-press your remote and answer the question: "Who am I now: a photographer or a model?" This dilemma had never emerged for me before my friends started asking me why do I always look too serious on my selfportraits. It was like asking a centipede with which foot it starts walking. I found out that my "model's face" most often has photographer's eyes, that doesn't really contribute to the selfportraits' quality - and sincerity. The less spontaneous is the picture, the more busy I look on it.
A short study of Flickr demonstrates that it's hard for us photographers to relax and le go of control when you don't need it anymore. Hiding your eyes from the camera, like many self-photographers do, is not a solution. Honestly, I don't know any tips or tricks for mastering the zen of self-portrait, but if you do, feel free to start a discussion.
