Neglected Beauty
By carey primeau
15 April 2007
Scoping the place out, it's hot, real hot, like 80 degrees of sun shining sweat hot. It's unexpected, my sunglasses dripping sweat beads from my forehead. I cruise up to the spot, this little hole in this sheet of metal under this dark ass viaduct of eternal hell. That's what it feels. Who the fuck cut this hole, who the fuck lives in there, and why can't I see shit. But I know that it's the only way in, like a voice from god telling me that I can't leave. My mind and body completely controls me and there is absolutely no turning back. None
I lock it 5 blocks away, near a market and walk. Cumulous clouds gather above me and for a short minute, it pours cooling the air, moisturizing my skin, pushing me further. Then I see it, then my heart starts to beat, then the paranoia hits in, one cop, two cop, three cop, shit. Fuck. They must have seen me. But how do they know? So I wait, and wait, for another 2 hours, cause I really don't have shit to do. I've got nothing but time, but by now I'm cursing and pissed and skeptical and worried and excited and humble, and alone. Feeling so many emotions, so many more than I've ever felt in a single period of time. So I'm sitting on a rock on the street with the dark ass viaduct 2 blocks away, the station looming in the near distance. And I go for it. Fuck it. I can't leave without it.
I'm walking into eternal darkness not knowing if or when I will see the light of day again. So I jump up four feet, this sheet metal garage with a cutout piece the size of half a human, gapping with darkness calling my name. I can see a blanket reminiscent of a makeshift shelter. I whistle to see is anyone will respond. I don't have my flashlight, fuck, I really need to start bringing one.
My scout leader always told me you never need a flashlight. Just let your eyes adjust.
So that's what I do. I dip in and I'm shitting my pants. I can't see the floor, can't see my hands or the distance, and can't see shit except the fresh breath of my hard aching beat of a heart making my feverish self shiver with so many mixed sensations. I can't decide to turn back in bitter failure, an unforgiving retreat, or to pursue forward into the freakish unknown.
PREvail: to be or prove superior in strength, power, or influence.
Just as the girth and skeleton of this building have been built with such strength and massive poise, I proceed against all odds and push my legs forward. My feet cautiously walk into the ash of burnt carcasses. I step in shit, and crush the sight of light, trip on wires, engulf myself in confusing obstacles preventing a smooth forward momentum. I creep to the instinct of my emotions and see it. It slowly lights and brights my future in ways I've never felt before. I'm coming out of a coma filled with worries because I'm in this shit hole of a basement filled with everything of horror story darkness of unknown fears and as soon as I turn the corner of bliss, she opens up to me in ways that words truly cant describe.
Think of Chicago's union station. One great hall, one-hundred feet in the air, adorned with massive Corinthian columns with its sky lit ceiling, standing in neoclassic prose and strength. This is what I see times two. Two rooms, great rooms, yellow with breathing marble decorate its walls, massive columns supporting its immense weight, arches guide its hallways, vaults breath its existence. I see this pure beauty scarred so terribly with neglect and abandonment. My every step recalls the history of this train station and the importance that it meant for its city. I see the beautiful potential for greatness but this building sits it this decrepit state that makes me want to shed a tear
Light bursts through its shattered and weather torn windows, rock, brick, marble and debris litter its tiled floors, paint chips crumble from its forgotten walls, gaping holes, painted graffiti, and small side rooms filled with darkness show me how forgotten this place really is. A condition so bad and so progressive with decay that one wonders if it's all too late.
But I see wonder and amazement, history and visions, and I'm constantly reminded of the Greek and Roman ruins of ancient civilizations, their poise and strength testing the test of time. I don't see an end; I see a start of a new beginning, one not of demolition but of progress escaping the mortality of death and destruction and prevailing against the seemingly inevitable odds.
No Responses
