JPG: Stories: Personal Post: Shoot Your Opposite

Shoot Your Opposite

By John Linton

11 Sep 2009

I've never been one to dance to someone else's tune. I taught for 32 years and never worried what the world outside my classroom wanted. I'd tell my students that outside that door there are more rules than anyone could possibly need or want, but inside my classroom there was only one rule...pause for effect...keep me happy.

This meant that I never had to worry about making teacher of the year or the like. That is until my last year when the senior class elected me to give the Backaloriate speech. I didn't even know how to spell Baccalaureate, but I had sat through a couple so I understood what was expected of such an honor. The problem has always been that I don't like dancing to someone else's tune. With this in mind I handed in 3 different rough drafts of possible speeches.

A week before the big event the "prince-of-a-PAL" came to me to let me know that my speeches were unacceptable and wondered if I'd write another more suitable one. I told him he would probably never like what I would write and that he should find someone else. He got my department head to do it. His speech was a big hit.

This is one of the three rough drafts I handed in:

In 1980, I was sitting in a downtown bar talking to a colleague when he asked me how many years I had been teaching. I told him ten. He then pointed out that after ten years at any job the effectiveness of anyone becomes inversely proportional to the number of years they remain at that job. When the administration informed me that far too many of you voted for me to give the address at this year's Baccalaureate my first thought was that this great honor had come twenty-two years too late. And you can slide an awfully long way down the slippery slope to total ineffectiveness in twenty-two years.

In college one of the many courses I did poorly in was Speech. On the first day of class the instructor took out an egg timer and informed us that if we wanted a good grade we would have to turn the egg timer to five minutes before beginning our speech and finish before it did. He went on to explain why the Gettysburg Address was such an important document. The guest speaker that day spoke for three hours and no one remembers a word he said while Ol' Abe spoke for three minutes and everyone has to try to remember what he said whether they want to or not.

When I sat down to write this speech I wasn't sure I could pull it off because, well, twenty-two years is a long time to be sliding down that slippery slope. Then I thought, what am I worried about? I'd just do what so many of you did in my class. I'd wait until the last minute and just rip off someone else's work. So here goes.

No score and eighteen years ago your parents brought forth on this continent a new child conceived in the knowledge that Title IX and "Don't ask, don't tell." had forever changed the meaning of the words "all men are created equal" and dedicated to the wisdom that "There is no i in team."

Now we are engaged in Senior Week secure in the knowledge that any child so conceived and dedicated can surely graduate. We have come to dedicate a portion of this week to the handing out of scholarships. For people have given some of their money, often in loving memory of those who were taken from us too soon, that some of you might not have to give so much of yours. It is altogether fitting and proper that we do so.

But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate-we cannot consecrate-we cannot hallow these halls. Those of you who overachieved, those of you who worked to your potential, and those of you who beat the system, have consecrated it far above our powers to add or subtract. The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what you did here. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us-that we take increase devotion to that cause for which your parents have given every ounce of will power they possess; that we here highly resolve that these years shall not have been in vain; that you will manage to get a job and find some place else to live.

9 responses

Regenia Brabham gave props (11 Sep 2009):
I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrea Petersen gave props (11 Sep 2009):
Great story and it is too bad that you didn't get the chance to give it at the Baccalaureate.
diana anderson gave props (11 Sep 2009):
great speech! love it!
dp * gave props (12 Sep 2009):
Too good !! dp
Litz Go gave props (12 Sep 2009):
great piece,John! So what is wrong with it,or should I asked what is wrong with the principal! I''m glad you share this with us.
Karen Roberts gave props (12 Sep 2009):
Way to go John! Your last sentence was fabulous!
Victor Ursabia said (12 Sep 2009):
standing ovation john! wooooooahhhh....
eithne mythen gave props (13 Sep 2009):
Bravo..
Christine Corrigan gave props (6 Nov 2009):
WoW....You always surprise me.Great!