JPG Magazine: Photos: "Flooded in Endless Circles" by seanie blue

Flooded in Endless Circles

By seanie blue

On 19 May 2008

Favorited 86 Times

I listen to a song by Cat Power about a boxer, called “The Greatest.” The woman singing is named Chan, which was the name of a jaguar in Belize I once loved and mourned his killing by poachers for years, until I stopped dreaming of revenge.

The singer sings:

Once, I wanted to be, the greatest

. . . and I listen, wounded to the bone, adding my own second line:

Once, yes, I wanted to be the greatest,
And now I just want to be me

Because I am stuck on a ride I cannot quit, pursuing hopeless quests, stupid dreams I have carried for too long in my pocket, and my sister waits in Oregon to see me while I am scheming. To her I am already the greatest, never mind my plans, because I keep dreaming.

My sister Nicole translates Spanish for the courts. In a hospital to talk for a man who lost his arm cutting meat or canning beans, she hears about a little girl who is retarded and abandoned. Her mother disappeared three days ago. The mother might just be working a field nearby, and will come back, but something makes Nicole walk to the fifth floor to check. At the nurses station, she is told: “Oh, that little girl’s not all there, hasn’t spoken for three days, just sits there and stares.”

What does a child do but wield silence when there is nobody to cry to?

Nicole sees the babe in pigtails, and sits and smiles. And the girl stares, vacant, terrified of another concerned face, but this one suddenly talks in a dialect from Oaxaca, the green hills the child carries in her bones, and Nicole sings a song for little girls from Mexico and three days of hope spills from the body of this silent cherub, ignored because of fright, and in ten minutes Nicole is playing patty-cakes with her, the Mexican version, and they are singing, and Nicole’s neck bristles like a jaguar’s sensing hunters: she turns to see four nurses in the doorway, watching in astonishment. They have been worried more than they will allow, and now two nurses smile and two nurses swallow sobs.

Nicole storms from the hospital, or maybe she sits in its stairwell and has her own crisis, I forget, but she tells me the story later as a professional who cannot quite remember that you are supposed to forget the maims and bleeds of an accident.

My sister’s face is scarred with the lines of this carnival ride. Small circles of pain, but endlessly repeating to become the deep cuts of personality, and she often sees people stuck on the ride, in endlessly repeated moments of lonely fright.

Whether we are the greatest, or stuck in a spin, somebody watches in admiration or worry, stitched in alarm.

Maybe a dream never dies, but the scars on the faces of the people I love testify that sometimes they wound deeply. Maybe this is why I no longer look in mirrors, except at the fair, where my dreams are twisted into harmless fun, jokes to toss up like confetti.

31 Responses

On 19 May 2008 Geir Danielsen gave props:
good tone and perfect !love this
On 19 May 2008 Konrad Ragnarsson gave props:
Excellent tones in this picture,well done as useal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On 19 May 2008 Robert Sand said:
My palm upon your forehead.
On 19 May 2008 Gary Fudge gave props:
I was attracted to this image instantly Seanie. I love your combination of story and imagery which comes as a complete package. Although this is still the case, this image has blown me away. The B&W image with deep contrast and highlights blows me away. I'll have a rasterbated version to go on my wall. This is one of my all time favourites.
On 19 May 2008 Christine Casano gave props:
wonderful photo
On 19 May 2008 Anne McGinn gave props:
Wonderful picture and story. BTW, I too am a Spanish Interpreter for the courts. Small world...
On 19 May 2008 Frédéric Frognier gave props:
Love the energy!
On 19 May 2008 Respect Nature gave props:
You write like Jimi played guitar - you make it seem effortless, to incredible affect.
On 19 May 2008 Chris Whitney said:
Seanie-for me, "greatest" is an external measure of accomplishing something. It sounds logical to focus on the end result, the external proof that we have succeeded in life. I think this is the quickest way to repress our inner vision and lose the real value of our dreams. Those inner dreams, and the enjoyment of pursuing them without external reward, keep us alive and are the real measure of success.
Your sister's story is wonderful. You can sense her inner vision and committement to life just by the way she helped that little girl, while others trained do so did not understand how.
You have witnessed much, and with that knowledge comes the burden of understanding. Your ability to convey your understanding to others certainly makes you one of the "greatest" in my book. I appreciate your ability to merge words and images and portray places and people I have never met.
On 19 May 2008 Long Vy gave props:
beautiful tones...B&W so good.
On 20 May 2008 judy fouse gave props:
I like the analogy of the ferris wheel and lives caught in a spin. So many of us are. I, surely have been. The insurance train had me captive, though I derived my small pleasures by helping those who travelled with me. I love your belief and your dreams. Continue to inspire me, please. You make me think I might do more, be more. Thank you.
On 21 May 2008 Laura Boston-Thek said:
OOOoo Good a new one...I will show restraint and save it for tomorrows morning coffee....always a great way to start the day. Night!
On 22 May 2008 Laura Boston-Thek gave props:
...so worth the wait. Now I shall go wander and ponder your prose...am I the "greatest" or just stuck in a spin...I don't know...I just try to be the best Laura I can be. Thank you again for the gift of your images and words.
On 22 May 2008 Audrey Kanekoa-Madrid gave props:
Fanstic movement and tones!
On 22 May 2008 Kim Hall said:
Wonderful photo - beautiful story!
On 22 May 2008 Polly Cole said:
i f*cking love this photograph.
On 23 May 2008 Nelson Campbell gave props:
Strong, dynamic image seanie.
On 23 May 2008 Ronnie Ginnever gave props:
another extraordinary image and story.
On 24 May 2008 Emma Brahas said:
great work!
On 24 May 2008 Mary Ann Reilly gave props:
Beautiful.
On 25 May 2008 Rachel McKinnie gave props:
I am in complete agreement with Chris, Judy, and most definitely Polly.
On 27 May 2008 blue mitchell gave props:
Seanie, Dynamic image...and Chan marshal rules!!
On 29 May 2008 Laurent Chantegros gave props:
Love it! excellent shot!
On 3 June 2008 Joseph Rotindo said:
a wonderful concoction of smells from popcorn to kids with cotton candy and carnies...
this photo will always be nostalgic and full of reminiscence, and that is why it is amazing.
On 4 June 2008 Jessica Hollenback gave props:
Wonderful Capture!
On 11 June 2008 Jim Robertson said:
I know these carnival shots are common but I love the foreground in this. The story of course is told as only you can tell it. I'm there brother.
On 19 June 2008 patrick conaty gave props:
exhilarating
On 25 June 2008 Kevin Duane said:
The reality is of course that we are all both! Consider that no-one is the greatest at everything and everyone has something that they do better than the rest of us. Thus there are aspects of each of our lives where we revolve endlessly just like there are situations where we can be a hero. What I think so many of us fail to recognize is that there will be injustice in our world until we learn to work together. Because it’s only through working together that we can bring sufficient heroes together to defeat all the world’s demons.
Beautiful work Seanie!
On 11 July 2008 Jit Ray said:
have seen many of these... but ur work has it's own edge.... super super super.
On 12 July 2008 Jack Johnson gave props:
The exposure is just slow enough to be perfect for the mood. Nice!!!
On 24 July 2008 Kiwi ana gave props:
Seanie I missed you and came by to catch up on your work. I am forever inspired by your professional and artistic photography and your words woven to match. Thank you