All his life he was the strong one, he took care of his wife and children, but especially us grand kids. Though he had plenty of money, he always saved his pennies . . . . he wanted as much left over to pass down as possible. Whenever we went to him in desperation, he would take care of our problem; saying “I don’t lend money, I give it, that way if I don’t get paid back, I wont have to feel bad”. There were times his family took advantage, and deep down you could always tell that he knew, but he loved them regardless and never cared to make a scene. His love is unflinching.

When the stroke temporary took away his ability to walk, his depression finished the job, keeping him in bed . . . . and making his muscles weaker and weaker. Suddenly he had to trust his health to caregivers, and his money to his children. He could no longer stand. The changes rocked his world, it was obvious that there were times where he wished he could just die. We keep people alive now regardless of their wishes. My Grandmother says that once upon a time “pneumonia was an old mans friend”.

His spirit has recovered, and we visit as much as we can; filling their heads with our accomplishments knowing that it will give them bragging rights and stories to tell the caregivers for weeks to come. The strongest man I’ve ever known is living out the rest of his days in a bed, watching TV, and listening to his wife try and remind herself what day of the week it is. Such is life.

the IN series
Sunrise Assisted Living
Pacific Palisades, California
USA

04.22.2008

In the Grandparents photo essay.